Go Team

What's cooler than being a Certified MUFON Field Investigator?

Being a part of MUFON's "Strike Team for Area Research," that's what. Especially because the acronym for the "Strike Team for Area Research" is "STAR Team." So, technically it's the "Strike Team for Area Research Team," but that's okay, because this is such a supercool Team, it deserves to be have the word "Team" twice in its name, and maybe even a third time!

Why am I so high on the STAR Team? It's not because STAR Team members' travel expenses are reimbursed by MUFON, although I do see that as a first step towards all Certified MUFON Field Investigators being generously compensated for our work. I love the STAR Team because it shows the world that MUFON is not to be messed with.

The STAR Team is a group of select Certified MUFON Field Investigators set up as sleepers around the country, ready to respond at a moment's notice to extraordinary UFO incidents involving physical evidence. Their only mission is to secure that physical evidence before anyone else can.

Here's how it works: when MUFON HQ learns of a "significant UFO event," it immediately dispatches two STAR Team members to the incident site. This advance team is known as the "Hasty Team." See? What did I say about this outfit deserving to have the word "Team" three times in its name? There is simply no limit to the teamy-ness of this Team.

If, after hastily assessing the situation, the Hasty Team decides that more resources are needed to secure the physical evidence, they will hastily notify MUFON HQ, and the Lethargic Team will be sent in. No, I just made that up; I'm sure everyone involved in this event would be hasty, even if they are not part of the Hasty Team.

What exactly happens after that is anyone's guess. The details are kept rather vague. All I can say for sure is that the STAR Team may show up at the incident scene with a Geiger counter, a Magnetometer, and a Penetrometer. That's right: a Penetrometer. I never heard of it either. Turns out it measures how hard the soil has been compacted under the weight of a UFO's landing pad.

This penetrometer can be had for only 229.99

So it goes without saying that I want to be on the STAR Team Team, and I absolutely have to be on the Hasty Team. And it goes without saying that I want a Penetrometer.

It also goes without saying that the STAR Team Team, by all indications, has never once been mobilized.